Thailand Roadkill… YOU! (Driving in Thailand)

As you travel Thailand and see all the wonderful
wildlife and soi-dogs that become grey mush roadkill
you might want to consider that a disproportionately
high number of farangs BECOME that roadkill here.

I don’t want to put you into a panic over getting into
an accident here in Thailand… but, if you do become
involved in one, you might end up as roadkill.

Frog roadkill could be YOU in Thailand

I heard ANOTHER story last night from a friend
about teaching at a university here in Surat. After
new years holiday break he had a class – and someone
was absent. He asked where the girl was… they said,
she had an accident on the motorbike over the New
Years… but she was alive and in the hospital…

Then the next class there was a boy missing… when
he asked where he was… he was dead. Motorbike
accident over New Years.

The class then told him that the boy and girl were
boyfriend and girlfriend. And then, they filled him in
on what happened…

Apparently one of the large dumptrucks that run
around here and blow their banshee horns cut them
off as they were riding their motorbike. It knocked
them off the bike and messed them up really good.

The truck driver, on seeing that they WEREN’T
dead then tried to back the truck overtop of them
to make SURE they WERE dead.

The boy and girl tried desperately to get out of the
way, and the boy ended up sacrificing his life for
his girlfriend because he pushed her far enough
out of the way that she lived…

the dumptruck STILL ran over her leg, crushing
it and later it needed to be amputated at the
knee… but the boy was killed right there, having
taken the full weight of a few of the wheels.
These trucks weigh 10 tons or so (empty).

There is some good news – there were witnesses
to this and so the guy ended up in prison over it.

THIS HAPPENS HERE!

It is NOT urban legend.

I have heard this not only DIRECTLY from 3
different people. But, there are articles in THE
NATION newspaper about it from time to time,
reminding people to get off the street if it
happens to you!

Last year there was an article that a BUS DRIVER
in Bangkok did the SAME THING! He then ran
away from the scene – but was later caught and
faced jail.

He tried this in BANGKOK in the CITY!

Advice:
If you are in an accident of any sort,
and you are not at fault… or even maybe if you
are, you need to drag yourself to a safe place
and call someone, scream like you are crazy or
do anything to attract others’ attention.

People at fault in a motor vehicle accident
here may face a court case over it. If they
LOSE – they may have to pay the
person(s) injured over the REST OF
THEIR LIFETIME!

Apparently this is motivation and
justification ENOUGH for some people to
want to finish the job and kill someone
that they injured… End it all right there
– no worries for the future…

Mai Pen Rai Kuuuupppp…

BE CAREFUL ON THE MOTORBIKE!
Or, WALKING!
Or, Bicycling!
Or, in your small car!

But, by all means – if you’ve got a big truck
you go ahead and do ANYTHING at all
you feel like doing because you’re
probably not going to die for doing it…

That is, unless you hear the sound of
DEATH itself… that farking banshee
horn going off behind you from one of
those YABA fueled 10 ton dump trucks.

Sawasdee Krup…

How can you stay safe in Thailand?

You can start by getting Thailand Survival Guide 101.

Thai Black Book.

For a current state of the country – see the ultimate Thailand Guide – Thai Black Book – your guide to staying safe in Thailand

Thai Black Book information site- >

Bombs in Bangkok, Thailand on New Years Eve…

I’m sitting at home in Southern Thailand and my girlfriend called to tell me that bombs were going off at stores, over police boxes, at the train and bus stations in Bangkok.

Nobody is too surprised, but there are people dead and this will be the cause of a lot of change in the next year or so…

Of BIG interest to me is what the military junta does about it… There are rumors that these are people AGAINST the junta… and of course those that suspect muslim insurgents of finally making their way up to Bangkok to up the ante by a power of 10.

If it’s insurgents it will affect tourism in a big way. If some rogue folk against the military government in charge – probably not that big of an effect.

Yesterday the news in the paper was that 2 teachers were shot dead in their truck in the south and then their bodies pulled out into the street and lit on fire. This kind of thing has been going on almost daily. Monks killed and set on fire. Children killed. Teachers, police, all sorts of government workers have been killed.

If it’s them – the military might do something major.

Curious to see what’s going to happen with tourism. Thailand has around 13 million visitors per year (usually). I think that’s the figure. Correct me if I’m wrong – please.

Bombing train stations, bus stations and places frequented by foreign visitors would probably be the work of the insurgents… that is, unless those against the ruling junta thought they could pull it off and get the insurgents blamed in the South – and make the ruling Junta look bad…

Not at all sure at this point. The bombings in Bangkok might be terrorists for all we know. Perhaps many major cities around the world will see something similar as their New Years celebrations commence. We’re ahead of most of the world here and we’d get it first.

Be safe, don’t travel just yet if you don’t have to!

Haircut Misadventures in Thailand…

Gay and Ladyboy Haircuts… Not sure why i always find the gay guys and ladyboys to cut my hair. It’s not on purpose.

The ULTIMATE Thai Ladyboys Guide >

I rarely need a haircut, usually I just cut it myself. Unless I’m going to shave it – to 1cm or or something – and then I go to somebody with clippers. I’m usually in a hurry when I do this – I never plan for getting a haircut like this – I just run out and start looking in hair places.


There are roughly 700 within the city limits here – as there are in EVERY Thai city big or small. Over 700 seems to be the minimum required. These 700 are not the SAME 700 that you’ll see over time… at any point there are 500 of these 700 that are in transition… either starting their business or closing it.

It must be EVERY Thai girl’s dream to have a hair cutting place. So, at some point in their lives, maybe during many times, they open a hairdressers. Most of them fail due to NO business sense at all. Some do OK. I don’t think ANY of them make bank.

In Ubon I was driving around looking for someone and I see this girl with long straight hair… tall… cutting a woman’s hair. There aren’t any lights on in the place, it’s open air- Thai hairdresser style and the girl looks great from the street. Of course i’m in the Thai sun and my pupils are PINPRICKS because it’s so bright… and in hindsight I guess I couldn’t see that well into the room.

I park the motorbike and go in. I tell the girl I want my head shaved. She has clippers – so – no worries. I sit down and I watch her. I watch every movement. She’s a girl. Beautiful hair. Beautiful face. Nose job. Small chest. Nice waist, very thin… nice full hips and thin – this girl is very thin. Her shoulders are just a HINT more wide than maybe a girls’ should be. She is strong, and yet, not muscular. She has long fingers and nails. She moves like a woman.

She speaks just like a woman but her voice is maybe, MAYBE just a bit deep and not a natural flowing sing-song woman’s voice by any means. I’m 2 meters away from this girl and I don’t know… girl or ladyboy?

So, the 1st customer is finished and I’m next. I sit down. I thought, when I’m THIS close I’ll know. I look at everything. I look in her eyes to see if she has that ladyboy look. Whatever I think that is. I look at her legs, stomach, fingers, elbows, neck, adams apple – none, distance from armpit to elbow – a friend that runs bars in Patong told me he can usually tell (usually) by the length of the girls upper arm. A man has a shorter elbow to armpit length. A girl has a longer one. Ladyboys know this and compensate by standing in a weird way with their elbows on their waist a lot. Other women in Thailand don’t. She looked normal in that respect too. I was at a loss.

She cut my hair and I left, still wondering. Now, over the next 6 months I CONTINUED to get my hair cut there. ONLY out of curiousity. Anybody could have shaved my head, but I looked forward to going there to see if today would be the day I figured it out! And THAT DAY NEVER CAME!

What that means, is that she WAS a ladyboy. If you can’t figure out for sure – the DEFAULT truth is that she was a ladyboy. Women here are women. You can TELL a woman. But, if you can’t tell if a woman is a man – over some time – then SHE IS.

Anyway… so – recently I’m in Krabi. A seaside town that is a quick boat trip to a nice out of the way beach called “Railay beach”.

My girlfriend and I decide I need my head shaved again. We start looking and soon find a street with about 6 hair places. Most are men. I don’t go there. I saw one shop with 2 women cutting hair. We stop and go in. FINALLY, women cutting hair. WOW. I’m psyched. I’m psyched, until I see them wait on people that are arriving AFTER we did – with no mention of – “they had an appointment” or something like that… We leave. We had waited 40 minutes and so I was pi$$ed and I thought, OK, forget it – let’s get a MAN to cut it. At least it’s NOT a ladyboy.

We go in – and there are two men cutting hair. They have surgical masks over their faces which doesn’t bother me at first. They don’t look gay. I get called into the 2nd chair… and then I see it –

THE INCH LONG PINKY FINGER NAIL! UGGGH! THEN it all starts SMACKING MY SENSES at the same time… THE GAY ELEVATOR MUSIC! THE GAY MEN PHOTOS on the WALLS! THE FRESH YELLOW FLOWERS!

At the same time this is hitting me, THEN my girlfriend RAMPS UP the HORROR by AMBUSHING ME WITH SOME SPONTANEOUS VIDEO shots of my haircut!

Gay Haircut Video (large 8.9mb)

Gay Haircut Video (small 4.5mb)

JESUSH!

In the video I’m in the right side chair.

So here I am – in a 30 minute haircut with this gay guy that”s
spending WAY too much time manipulating where my head is and pulling my ear firmly but gently out of the way.. so he can make these PRECISION cuts on my head AFTER the clipper had already shaved it the way I wanted it, PLAIN.

Look at the video how he’s touching my head! LOOK at the pinky nail!!! DO I LIE? At :51 seconds in the video you can SEE the pinky nail very clearly on his left hand as he’s holding my head. I didn’t see the gay style cut coming… . Ithought he was going to just whack the sideburn area in a quick straight
line…

NOPE, he was doing a stylish staircase look on the area above my sideburns! BASTARD! I started to SCREAM but it was too late – I caught my breath instead. Hopefully he didn’t think I was all worked up over him.

So, I sat there silently while he did the other side too – so at least I matched. That’s the only way society will accept me – gotta match. So – we high tailed it out of there – he put perfumy talc on me and started to massage my neck – and that’s when I said, OK PAW LEAO! (ENOUGH) and we payed him the
50 baht ($1.30 usd)
and left.

Today my hair has grown in a bit, I’m going to go out in a few minutes and see what I can find. I THINK I saw a girl that cuts hair by the house here. We’ll see… I’ll film it and post it at the thaipulse.com site in the video section if the cutter is gay or ladyboy.

Update – I actually had a GIRL cut my hair – I had to stop her before SHE also did the crazy staircase on the side of my head – but, PAW LEAO! worked and I bailed out quick.

Thai Culture: Nose and Teeth Picking in Thailand

Thai Culture: Picking nose and teeth
Picking your Nose and Teeth in Thailand

When I first arrived I saw people picking their noses – DEEP in their noses. Maybe
not as deep as this picture, which is a gross exaggeration, but – first knuckle pinky finger deep anyway.

Some are more ambitious, but there’s a reason besides wanting to play the guitar, that some Thai guys really invest in saving at least one long pinky nail…

Now, you can pick your nose in public, but do NOT pick your teeth in public because it’s “rude”.

One must cover the mouth when picking the teeth with a toothpick. I was shown the proper way by a friend that was concerned I was a heathen from America. Apparently she thought everyone did it the correct way – left hand over mouth – covering – and the right hand with toothpick doing the picking.

I adapted quickly to the teeth picking. That was easy enough. Perhaps we DO go about it that way in America – but I was living in Florida and most manners that have accumulated throughout the years – living in NY and Honolulu are gone within the first year or so… manners in florida evaporate away as one meshes with the populace.

The other picking – nose picking – I was naturally a bit thrown by. When I first saw it – I wondered, where do they put the booger… and then I saw – on the pants. Almost always on the pants or flicking it into the air – to the ground. That answered that.

It took me a few weeks… when I saw enough people doing it – young and old… high so people and people from the countryside… I jumped right in.

I now clean my nose with relish – (enjoyment) – at least twice each week.

I go knuckle deep and I’m usually smiling when I do it – the enjoyment is one thing, but the absurdity of it is also funny.

:>)

I don’t feel so good… (Getting Ill in Thailand)

Getting ill in Thailand is a pretty regular thing.
I did great for the first 2 months here but then
it hit me. Sick. Montezuma’s revenge. Dizzy.

I’d get flu-like symptoms but I was getting sick
like that with breaks of 2 weeks in the middle.
How can that be? I think some of it was food
poisoning also – which happens a LOT here. I’m not
all that picky about where I eat – the street
stalls are great for me, but sometimes I pay for
it.

For the past few days I’ve been a little light-
headed. My stomach always feels full and hurts a
little bit.

I’ve not had this kind of sickness in my life –
so I know it’s a Thailand thing. Today I gotta
find some time to Google:

dysentary
worms
tapeworm
heart attack
stomach acid reflux

stuff like that. Oh, I did start to hurl (throw
up) yesterday morning as I sat at the computer.
Dry heaved for a sec and then it passed. Was
dizzy as hell though.

Any doctors out there?

G/f wants me to head to the doctor today since
this has been on and off for a couple weeks. I

ALREADY KNOW what the doctor will do here.

Look at me – ask me 2 questions. Not understand
either of them. Prescribe paracet for pain –
which there is little pain – but always the
paracet (tylenol) and he’ll prescribe anti-
biotics since they also give that for EVERYTHING
you have.

Back when I first got here I had bags of anti-
biotics laying around the house. I had over 100
pills EASILY. Some I was to take 2 times per day,
some 3, some 4.

For small things – they give all the same drugs.
So, they’re never much help. If you get sick in
Thailand do this.

Look up your symptoms on the internet…

Your Diagnosis

That’s a VERY comprehensive online survey. You must
grab a free login ID – but they give a good review.

I use this instead of the doctor here in Thailand.

I also look up specific drugs that will work with my
problem and self-diagnose.

Now, if that doesn’t work – meaning – I’m still at a
loss for what’s happening. Or, if I have the name of
a drug I need, I’ll go to the local pharmacy.

Find one that has a Chinese pharmacist, or ideally,
two – Chinese-Thai Twin girls that you can go over
with, painfully, every symptom and concern… like I’ve
found.

Pharmacies have everything you’ll likely need. If they
DON’T then they have connections with the hospital and
can ORDER anything. They can probably get morphine!

So – for small problems – the doctors and hospitals here
are maybe not so good. They dont take the time to really
investigate what the problem is – they just shovel out
the anti-biotics and paracet.

For BIG problems… like if you and another motorbike
crashed and you have a sucking chest wound – they are
likely to be EXPERT at fixing you up. There’s quite a
bit of that kind of thing here and they have a lot of
experience AND take it seriously enough to fix you up
right.

I’ve seen a friend get his head operated on, bone chips
pulled out of his brain and an extended hospital stay…
in UBON of all places. Everything turned out fine.
His bill was DIRT cheap too.

So-

Don’t fear the big stuff. Fear the small stuff…

Oh yea, Merry Christmas

If you’re in the holiday spirit – 

and WHO wouldn’t be??  ha. ho.ho.

Head on over to your closest Tesco and have some
girls in Santa hats help you out.  They’re making 
250 baht per day and are happy as clams, but
they’re not sure why…

You should be too.

Last night I made the HORRIBLE mistake
of seeing “passion of the christ”.  I needed
some material for one of my other blogs and I 
thought this would do it…  

Well, it was material for this blog – I won’t go
into it too much – but…

I should KNOW not to go see movies that I
didn’t care about when they 1st came out and
now it’s 5-10 years later.  Doesn’t matter if
nothing else is in the Tsutaya video store, 
go home and play on the internet, I’ll have
more fun and maybe even learn something.

I got dumber by watching this movie.

From start to finish it was about how mel
gibson wanted to portray the suffering of 
christ. And there was only suffering. Very 
little dialogue that meant anything…  just
a lot of beating.

My g/f told me that this won AWARDS!

She was reading the outside of the cd
case. Wait, I gotta check because I cannot
allow myself to go on believing that…

Rats, we only have the blue Tsutaya case
no descrip of movie.

If anyone knows if this movie won something,
please let me know. I’ll be shocked and
horrified all at once.

Here are two other movies you should never
in your ENTIRE LIFE RENT…

“Poseidon”
“Mike Blueberry”

Both of them were so bad that it was farking
ridiculous that they received money from 
investors to make.

Absolutely incredible.  But, those are the movies
that are here in Thailand for us to rent.  

Anyone else want to share a list of movies that
should never be seen?

 

Baby in a Fishtank… (Buddhism and Impermanence)

Baby in a fishtank, Buddhism and impermanence

There’s something about a baby in a fishtank.

In biology we all saw the pig head or frogs bobbing
up and down in a glass bottle with a screwed on
plastic lid. And that was OK. That was even fun.

We had more fun dissecting those frogs and pigs
than kids really, genuinely had a need for. It was
fantastic fun and those were the days…

Fast forward 20 years. Moved to Thailand to
broaden my “worldview”. Visited a wat (temple)
in the northeast and saw this at an outdoor hall.
Now, I’m not easily offended as you might imagine.

There isn’t a whole lot I haven’t seen in person or
on the internet. But, a dead baby in a fishtank had
to be a “first”.

Now, had I seen this in a more controlled
environment… a morgue, a doctors office, a
university lab… then there might be very little I
had to say about it at all. No, it was the environ-
ment that shocked me and I’m not really sure why.

I understand why the baby was there and the
skeleton with it. The Buddhists believe that life is
impermanent – everything is impermanent. To
cling to something that will surely pass – is folly.
It causes pain. Emotional pain. The Buddhists
seek to rid themselves of pain.

But, couldn’t they have put the baby’s skeleton
there instead? I think what bothered me is that
it was there – kind of open to the animals – if any
wanted to get into it. Not that they would, the
smell of formaldehyde must be a strong
enough repellent. But, the animal would have to
break open the fishtank to even smell the
chemical… and once broken… well, there’s the
kid laying on the floor…

I once had an experience while meditating in
which I was seeing / sensing something in the
carpet as I stared. It was not a boy nor a girl,
and yet “both” in some way… it was “life” in
some fashion… and it was related in someway
or had a connection to my mom, myself and my
wife at the time.

The next night my wife screamed from the
shower… I ran in and saw what we both
couldn’t believe… she had miscarried right
there and it was the unmistakeable form
of a very small fetus about the size of an
inch – covered with small placenta and a
lot of blood…

Maybe this is why the baby so close to the
ground bothered me so much… not sure.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever seen
something like this? On TV? On the internet?

My Paranoid Schizophrenic Beach Volleyball Partner

My Paranoid Schizophrenic Beach Volleyball Partner

Mental illness is something that doesn’t necessarily indicate a
low level of standardized measurement on an IQ test. I’ve
worked with people with profound mental illness that had
measured IQ’s with very respectable numbers. Besides this,
there are those with amazing street knowledge and other
knowledge that isn’t measured in IQ tests.

I had a friend once… my beach volleyball partner. We met
playing ball and decided we’d make a good team and we
played together for a couple years. He was under 30
years. His father was African American. His mother,
caucasian.

I was going to the univ. for degrees in psychology. He was
sitting at home writing songs.

He had grown up mostly in New York City and apparently had
a hell of a childhood.

I’d pick him up every saturday and Sunday morning for our
ride to the beach to play beach volleyball.

He’d ask me if I was ready for it… He had a new song… I
was always ready. I loved hearing them. To think that he
was “undiscovered” blew my mind everytime I was
lucky enough to hear a new song. I was one of VERY few
he shared the songs with. Most didn’t understand them.

I will post one below. Keep in mind this guy had over 100
songs written on notebooks in a large Hefty bag stuffed in
his closet in his 2 room apartment in a bad section of
town. EVERY SONG was of this sort.

Read some. Before you dismiss it, change the pauses and
the word phrases… group different words together – they
make a LOT of sense. Most of it makes sense in fact. One
would need to know a lot vocabulary – but I think many will
understand the level of creativity this guy had.

***************Visit Grey***************

Very vicissitudinous with the verses covered in vanishing
cream

When you thought you caught a thought you wakeup on a
balance beam

Sopping wet from a nightly sweat drowning in my plethora
of knowledge

Maintaining this disturbing motto: Quix never went to
college

But still multidimentionally ramshackling thee unconscious
and alter egos

I significantly interfere with awakenings of my intracranial
amigos

Three faces of evenings treasure symbols, signs, and
earthly pleasure

Mathematicians to the math magician only savantics could
possibly measure

And now you’ve reached your intellectual capacity and
pumping out cardiac distress

But in this episode you implode and fall inside your
hallowedmess

Diminishing and decomposing from the belfry of oblong
belongings

Close my eyes then fantasy character so I can write and
recite the wrongings

Before the time of rhyme McDonald’s didn’t have Shamrock
shakes

inside the autubahn of life in bottles where the carbonation
awaits

Shattering glass bubbles all around me hulahooping inside
my octagon

incapacitating your family dictionary proof positive you
alepton

I crush echokinesis into corpuscles and excessively distress
you then dis you

With refrigerator magnets on a compass and the deep-dish
connective tissue

Partially remit you from a catatonic state for retention
detention study hall

The conversationalist outside laws of nature say you one,
say you all

Say my name in parenthesis spell it backwards n upside
down on a mirror

Ponderwander in the clearings of cobweb ends tier to tierEntangled in the stretching stench of intestinal satisfaction

So I wrote a 100 songs to give you head to fecal impaction

Your dribbling pint-sized regiment pilots ignorance to an all
-time high

While I slob globs of fine print refinements of overslicing
scientifical pie

A jolting bolting flashing noose–the metaphorlogical hunter
pneumothorax

Feeding the frenzy waiting outside the corner of my mouth
on scam tracks

It’s not the writings, it’s the sightings says the troll of soul
under the skyway bridge

More brothers hate me for my unicultural beliefs than white
around Ruby Ridge

As you identigraph face the factual I mock you and your
lineage

Violating your sensory input squirting all over your family’s
image

Now you have a jonesing of a visionquest for the
intellectual separateness flavor

Infomercials throw me multimillions, to the slaver I will not
waiver

Abstinance from normality has me contrasting to your
reality

So there you go… He told me he had a DSM IV label of
“Paranoid Schizophrenia”. He was quite an amazing
volleyball player and songwriter. I say “was”… is he still
out there?