Farang and Bargirl Relationships in Thailand…

Farang and bargirl relationships in Thailand

(Last updated: 29 December 2016)

I’m thinking that these notecards are better off done in a graphics program, but my g/f likes them better handwritten like this. I’m sort of ambivalent except hand writing these goes much more quickly. MUCH by a factor of 10 much.

Farang-bargirl relationships are doomed from the start. That’s my own personal take on it. You can’t possibly think that a girl that has lied to everyone she knows for a period of months or years will EVER come around and start telling you the truth about everything she is doing, the friends she has, the guys she knows abroad that are sending her money for years after you’ve married her… the different bank accounts, the numerous cell phone SIM cards she has.

You wouldn’t date a girl like this in your own country so why in he11 would you date and MARRY one here?

I know the temptation must be overwhelming to some. Some guys have not had a girlfriend during their entire LIVES and they come here and suddenly they have 3 girls – all 10/10 fawning over them and making promises to love them long time…

A guy like that is going to be duped into believing totally unbelievable BS and worse, can be led down the path to marriage very easily.

This is really so far from reality that to those of us that can see it (and I can only see it because I fell for a girl that was “not” a bargirl, but then, ended up to BE a bargirl!!!) that it defies explanation.

The need to be loved… to conquer a beautiful 10/10 girl and have her falling at your feet is a part of life that these guys will do anything to experience.

Once they start playing that game, the girls know just how to milk every baht from them and ditch them when the baht stops flowing or slows down to a level that isn’t worth their time.

Guys that come to Thailand looking for a girl, a girl that they are going to spend their entire life with – or at least a percentage should really do the
following:

Look for girls here:

  • Mukdahan
  • Sisaket
  • Surin
  • Yasothon
  • Ubon
  • Loei – or any other backwoods city in the
    northeast

Limit spending on “your girl” for 1st year to:

60000 baht. That’s 5000/mth and more than enough for EVERY girl in Isaan to live happily on. They DO IT FOR LESS.

3 strikes you’re out:

If “your girl” doesn’t answer the phone 3 times during the course of you knowing her – drop her. No, I’m not joking. A Thai girl can answer her phone AND have a conversation at 100km/hr on a motorbike. She KNOWS when the phone goes off at all times. The phone is their life.
If she misses 3 of your calls, there are 3 very good (or bad) reasons why. Drop her and move on to the next.

Count how many times “your girl” mentions money in the course of 1 year. A bargirl, or a girl with a similar mentality that is focused on money and sees you as an ATM will mention money once per day or so. This is a MINIMUM.

My g/f from Isaan has mentioned needing money exactly twice in our 2+ year relationship. Once she was in Bangkok and didn’t have enough money for the train ticket back home (600b). The other time was when she needed some clothes for work (1500b).

Other than that I give her 4000 per month and she has been happy with that. THIS is how a good Thai girl should be… HAPPY that she doesn’t have to go to work at a chicken parts factory because you will pay her 4000 baht per month, pay for her food and her rent and phone cards.

That’s it.

If you don’t have a relationship similar to this – then you have found a parasite that is milking you for money.

Good relationships exist in Thailand, it’s just that finding one takes more than the minute it takes you to enter a bar, have your future wife sit beside you and give you a crotch grope and ask for a drink.

Invest 1 week, 2 weeks, a month in Isaan. Hang out at the malls or shopping areas. DON’T date the girls working at the shops – as they seem to be ex-pattaya and Patong girls for some reason.

Especially Robinsons. I’m not sure why.

Don’t date ANY Thai girl with a Tattoo. Good girls don’t get them here. (Update 2016- many girls are getting them. Trust me, no girl that hasn’t worked in a bar gets a huge spread eagle across the top of her ass!)

Go to the college library and sit around with your laptop in Isaan and see how many smiles you will get. Turn a smile into a “practice your English” session and you’ll be on your way.

Be careful because though you may be in Isaan, even some college girls have friends that are plying the sex-trade in tourist places in LOS. If she mentions money at all when you first meet. She is one of those girls that knows the game from that perspective. For what ever reasons… she thinks farang = ATM. Move on.

There are THOUSANDS UPON PRECIOUS THOUSANDS of drop-dead gorgeous, smart, funny, sweet and innocent girls in Isaan at the colleges.

Put a little time in there and see what you can find.

Your chances for finding a lasting relationship will improve by a factor of “9” and you’ll look less stupid in a group, bringing your covered with tattoos, smoking cigarettes, underwear and bra-showing Thai girlfriend or wife for everyone to laugh at.

Case in point. A teacher from England at my school brought his bargirl girlfriend (his word) to a school function where the kids are to put on a play.

All the teachers are there, the parents are there…. and this guy brings his black as charcoal girlfriend (number 1 bargirl identifier), covered with tattoos (#2), with her ultra tight and short skirt (#3), pierced nose (#4) and low cut shirt (#5) to the children’s function!

I was sitting at a table with the other Thai teachers in the English program. When my friend and this girl walked in – in Thai the teachers said she was ugly and a whore!

They knew INSTANTANEOUSLY.

So – this is part of the reason farang get no respect here in Thailand. We don’t know how to act. A Thai man would never, EVER in his life bring a whore to a children’s function at the place they work! NEVER!

Actually, the only guys that are EVER in public with a whore is when they are pimps themselves or brothers or fathers.

Thai guys are very aware of their standing in the community. Even a large community. There is no anonymity here. Everyone knows everyone. Farangs – even more so. There are people that know my name in the town that I’ve never seen. They know more about me than I could have ever guessed.

Thai culture is built on face – and levels of face. Walking around with whores from Pattaya is a sure way to get zero respect in Thailand. You might think – oh, they love my wife… in truth – they all are calling her whore and nobody likes her or you for bringing her.

Anyway – I’m a bit out of material!

Don’t date bargirls for more than a night!

Author: Vern

I'm an American expat living in Thailand. I like to write informative pieces about life in, living in Thailand, including topics like: Thai People, Thai Culture, Nightlife, Technology, and I have published a lot of photographs, videos, and even books on Thailand that you can find at ThailandeBooks.com. There are many photographs of Thailand here - feel free to share with attribution (a link back to the home page). All written content on this site by Vern Lovic. Contact me at Google+.

28 thoughts on “Farang and Bargirl Relationships in Thailand…”

  1. Yeah, your Gf/wife isn’t a whore. Because in that case I’m a whore too. Always willing to break the mold, my Thai GF was richer than I was so she gave me money sometimes. I’m prolly the only guy I know who went to Thailand to get taken care of by a rich lady *younger* than himself. I love the reactions I got. Some guys just want to shake your hand – but in all honesty I was in love. She’s Chinese and knows how to talk to people too, like they are afraid of her – I later found out that I’d prolly not want to upset her too much or I’d be metabolically challenged in short order.

    Anyway it’s tough for middle class Thai girls because they don’t want to look like a whore just by virtue of having a Farang BF. So they want things to be extra proper out in public. If you do have a normal middle class GF you will start to see her checking out girls from Isan with Frang BF with the most total revulsion. It’s really obvious who’s on the game and who isn’t after you get your whoredar working. It’s like gaydar – I didn’t know Elton John was gay as a teen, now I can tell if you’ve had one university indiscretion – same with whoredar. I can tell if someones danced a season, now, with 98% accuracy.

    Bar girls are for chumps and losers.Na na na, that’s how THAI people see it – If you couldn’t get a date in your own country and now all of a sudden you can – did you have a personality transplant?! Face lift? If not, they you know the score if you have a new hot GF. Hey that’s ok, but don’t fool yourself and EVERY Thai person will know, NO MATTER HOW SHE DRESSES. Don’t fool yourself about that either. If you get a “normal” girl after your bar girl, you will notice that you get mucho respecto from Thais compared to before and have a zillion less problems in general.

    I read quickly but nobody metioed “Gigs” – the amount of Gigs (other BFs, lovers, booty calls, etc) she has is normally directly proportional to how hot she is if she’s a bar girl. You see in Thai culture your an IDIOT if you’re hot and got some cash and you DO NOT have a GIG. Not having a Gig with some Thai men, will be a sign that you are a loser some how, with a lot of Thai men, actually. If you happen to be really attractive, some girls won’t date you because there will just be to many Gigs to compete with/threaten/attack/get attacked buy, and they just won’t want the hassle. Seriously – if you’re half way attractive, and go to teach, they will ask you if you’re GF KNOWS that you’re going to be working here? Because of all the pussy that is going to throw itself at you is going to freak her the feck out! I was told that outright at Wall St.

  2. Hi Vern
    Thanks for the advice. It seems to me that Thai girls are only interested in one thing, money. And judging by all the threads I have come across online, there are no exceptions. All these stories appear to end up with the guy running out of funds, or finding that their beloved has been cheating on them while away earning money.
    Luckily, I have always had a deep mistrust of most women, due to many bad experiences. I find that in most cultures a relationship can be based on money, especially in the UK. I have been particularly cautious in this relationship, having explained to her that I don’t believe in marriage, and that I am unwilling to pay for her to visit me. Nor has she ever asked for anything form me.
    However, Judging by the feedback I have read online, it is probably quite likely that she will try and screw me over. In the mean time, I am prepared mentally for such an occasion. Having had a lot of fun with the girl with two amazing holidays, learning about her family, friends and culture, I feel I have gained in this respect.
    I am due to fly out with friends in 2 weeks for 12 nights, and will have a serious talk with her at the end of the holiday. If we break up then I probably wont bother with another Thai girl, and just remember the relationship as a great experience in the rich tapestry of life….

    1. Nice – sounds like you have your head on straight. Not that she will ever try to screw you over – or even make money her prime consideration for living… but, the chances are pretty damn high. If you’re a risk taker you might take a chance. She could turn out to be an amazing girl, partner, and wife… but, mother of your children? How do guys choose bargirls to become the mothers of their children?????? That always stumps the hell outta me. Anyway – that’s a long way off. Cheers man – good luck – have fun.

  3. I visited Thailand 5 months ago with the intention of training in thai boxing. After 3 weeks at the camp I sustained an injury to my knee, and had to stop. I decided to venture out of the camp for the first time at night, and ended up in a ladybar. I am 22 years old, athletic build and considered to be quite handsome.
    I met a lovely girl there and ended up taking her back to my accommodation. After 5 days, taking her out for dinner etc and just having fun, i gave her 5000bht. She accepted the money, and i asked her to leave me, as i was beginning to become attached and quite fond of her. She returned to my accommodation the next day, said she missed me. I missed her too. After another 10 days, i had mixed feelings; i felt that i had fallen in love, but understood that she was a prostitute and that it was an illusion. I took out 10000 from my wallet to pay her for the time she had spent with me and she refused it.
    When I left Thailand she was devastated. However, I was not looking for love or any sort of relationship. She continued to call me from Thailand every day and we spent hours chatting on skype. After 2 months back home I booked a flight back to Thailand. We spent another 10 days together, and towards the end I had run out of money and told her that I had to leave early. The next day, I woke up and she had slid 5000 baht into my wallet.
    On returning back to the UK to finish my masters degree, I explained to her that I could not come back for a long time, and offered to send her some money. She refused, and had no interest in my money. She is aware that I am not wealthy.
    Now I am about to visit for the third time in 6 months. I had doubts to start with, but now I’m sure this is something real. Not all bar girls are the same. Not all are after money. Conclusion, love is sometimes found in strange places….

    1. Hi Martin –

      Awesome story – and thanks for sharing that!

      Allow me to play devil’s advocate… returning money that you gave is probably one of the major plays in a bargirl’s book of tricks. She wants to show you that she’s not interested in money… however, she IS more interested in the long-term money which will amount to much more than 5,000 THB. She probably does like you. You probably do like her. She’s a human being – which is something I rarely discuss here on this blog, preferring to focus on all the negatives of bargirls… She would love to get the hell out of that industry, it sounds like. There are relatively few handsome, young, decent guys that go to Pattaya, or any of the other sex tourist places. She feels like she has found her prize – her dream… and maybe she has. Doesn’t matter that you have little money now – you just got your master’s degree…

      She’s hoping desperately that she made a good impression on you and that you will return to whisk her away to farangland and make everything right in her life… whether you do it is entirely up to you, and though sad, I’d never recommend it. In fact, if you were my friend, I’d pull your dumbass out of the illusion before it seriously takes hold. Do you realize how many million AMAZING girls there are in Thailand that were never whores or even entered a bar? Ubon and Khon Kaen universities… I highly recommend them.

      Get your head straight and find a good girl to start with! I think you’ll be happier in the end…

  4. Fonzi you need to do some reading buddy. Love and money are one in the same in Thai culture. Not just for bargirls – for all girls. Bargirls exploit it more but to show your love to a Thai women, you must show her support. It’s not some twisted bullshit a bargirl forced down my throat – it’s a documented fact and well known by every Thai person in the country. There are some things that are just taken for granted and never talked about here. If you appear to not understand this concept, Thai people will just think you’re sticky shit.

  5. Hi Jaspar – do your own homework… pay particular attention to verb tenses. Jackass.

    *******

    Hi anonymous – most anonymous replies don’t get on this blog because it’s losers that are afraid to put their names with comments. That being said, I’m curious why you would say,
    “Pls do not pretend to know so well the Thai society and give lessons. Because you are probably only half way from an objective understanding.”

    First of all – don’t beg. You don’t know me – why subjugate yourself to me. Secondly, I don’t think I pretend to know Thai society so well – in fact, most times I’m oblivious to what’s going on.

    Whores working in bars is quite obvious to me – and those that sell access to their bodies for cash are whores, and you must be confused about that fact for some reason. If it hurts you because you married one or you’re sending money to one that has ‘changed her ways’ then you’re less than half way from an objective understanding about what’s going on.

    A whore is a woman that sells access to her body and for sexual services. Why does that word bother you. Is ‘escort’ nicer for you? Prostitute? They’re all whores. Whores, whores, whores.

  6. Hey Man, while i can understand the warnings for many naive first time farangs in Thailand, you also seem very frustrated.

    There is definitely something wrong in calling all bar girls “whores”… Pls do not pretend to know so well the Thai society and give lessons. Because you are probably only half way from an objective understanding.

  7. A bargirl f*cked with your heart and spended your money – and this is your payback??

    You should have done your homework before messing with the girls of LOS – this is as low as you can go – you’re still a sorry fool who got cheated…

    – Jaspar –

  8. Hi,
    You say 4000 b. for a girl in isan is enought…what do you think about a girl with a baby in Phuket?

  9. Vern, my American friend Robert who lives in Khonkaen laid it out for one of this friends who was wife-shopping in Thailand:

    1. you can’t meet a nice girl after dark.
    2. you can’t meet a nice girl in a bar.
    3. you can’t meet a nice girl in town.

    he went on to say that the girl his friend wants is a virgin from a village who doesn’t work in town. and then he offered to have his Thai mother-in-law introduce him to a nice girl from her village.

    being in Khonkaen was an amazing experience as over time i saw the same women with different men as they came and went. no telling how much money they get from them, and all the men think they are the only one, lol. once i was sitting in a bar and a guy next to us answered his phone: “ok, me good man – i send you money.” holy crap, what an idiot. he went on and on, obviously placating some bar girl who went off on him about money, talking in 3 y/o English. the other guys were rolling their eyes. the guy on the phone was young….

  10. why not just hire a girl as a cook or housekeeper. and have a 20yr fling with her if you want? you could avoid all this trying to conceptuialise your relatiuonship. let the sex be out of affection and the work be paid. if the affection disappears, she’s still got a job as a cook and housekeeper . you’ll drive yourself nuts trying to justify that you’re essentially paying for her to be your wife. if you stop giving her the 4000thb do you really think she’d got work? i don’t know. but with the arrangement you have the question wil always be there.

  11. Vern said: There was an anonymous comment that I have to edit because I don’t want commenters to gripe out other commenters, but here’s the essence of what the guy said…

    There are two types of guy-girl relationships… the one where you leave the money on the nightstand or the one where you are doing the installment plan and payments over the long-term.

    He said, if you think it’s any different for you, you are not from this planet (dummed down from his tirade!). Lol.

    Commenters can disagree with others – but, not cuss them out or call them stupid. You cannot call someone gay or a 12-year old either… lol. I found the comment funny as hell, but I don’t want this to degenerate into ThaiVisa type forum banter which I can’t stand and don’t see the reason for…

  12. Thank you, I’m glad you like the site! Some things are fun to write about, bargirls and ladyboys are two subjects that are always fun. Today I’ll have more drunk farang yelling and walking down the street audio or video – not sure which yet. Good fun, good fun! Vern

  13. “never give any money to any woman”

    that’s a very weird view. I prefer my girl to live with me and do the household just like vern wrote. I love to come home and everything is just perfect.

    If that works well for the girl i’m quiet happy to pay for her life – our life. What’s wrong with that?

    5 years ago my mother died very suddenly because of cancer. She told me that one wisdom i’ll never forget: “I can’t take anything with me.”

    Ever since I try to save enough money to pay for live after work – retirement. Why not share the rest with the ones I love?

    Why not buy a Pick-up for my wife’s family, a new fridge whatever.

    The only thing that matters: is the girl honest – will she stick to me until retirement and beyond

  14. I wouldn’t give a girl in england money let alone a thai whore…why would anyone spend money on a woman????????????????????????????

    Sheer stupidity, if they’re doing stuff for you it should be for love not for money, never give any woman any money at any time….ever

  15. My boyfriend of 12 years had just recently broken off with me to be with a thaigirl he met on a surf vacation 2 years back. She works in a restaurant cum bar in Patong. He swears she’s decent and all, and that life is tough for her, having on earn a meagre wage. After reading your blog, it’s no surprise money feature so prominently in their relationship. I feel totally cheated. How can you turn around an otherwise decent man who doesn’t know what has hit him?
    *elaine*

  16. Vern,
    Thanks for your reply to my comment. I agree that some(all?) bargirls are willing to take any money offered to them. There is a story on Khmer 440 (sp)about this sort of thing. It seems there is an almost endless supply of guys willing to send money to these girls. And that is a very sad thing. Try retain your detachment from these things. Best wishes always, Lee

  17. philip, email: ThaiPulse@gmail.com

    Fonzi – OK.

    Cyberninja – yah, I give her money because that’s the only money she’s getting. Plus, that’s pocket change and I don’t give it a second thought. She’s happy because usually she gives 3000 baht to her mom to pay for her college loan and spends 1000 b.

    She could work somewhere and bring another 10-12000, 15000 at the most, but really what’s the point… work in a job she doesn’t care about – and I’d have to hire someone else to do all the stuff she does for me anyway. I told her she has to open a roti stand in Isaan the next place we go – cuz I LOVE roti for lunch – with the bananas – it’s great stuff and I’ve lost weight so I know it’s not totally killing me on the calories. It’s gotta be 500 cals for 2 though. But, that would be a good job for her – doing something to bring outside money. She’ll make more than 4000b /mth and be happy she can watch tv, use the internet, run errands, blog, take photos of her cooking (and videos), convert it, whatever… all while having a business in front of the place we stay. We’ll see how that goes. She wants a clothing store! I said, NOPE. It’s coffee, som tam, or roti in that order since those appear to be the 1-person businesses that are actually staying afloat most often.

    Anyway, thanks all for writing… not everyone has to agree with me – In 2 months since starting this blog I’ve only not allowed 1 comment – and it just didn’t make sense. I think the guy interchanged 2 words – and the comment didn’t make sense the way he wrote it and I can’t edit it – so I didn’t post it. Most everything gets published – so comment away! Vern

  18. Dude, I get that your girlfriend is not technically a “whore.”

    Your girlfriend sounds like a cool chick with many good qualities. She seems like a very capable partner.

    However, some may see that paying a woman to be your girlfriend, servant and lover may come across as, well, you know, less than wholesome relationship.

  19. I’m glad I’m not here in search of a lady! Trying to distinguish the ladies looks like a pain in the a** for a newbie.

    Vern isn’t doing anything different by giving money to his lady different than if he were in the states and his girlfriend was a “housewife.” We are so used to both people working in the states that we forget that in a place where one earner can earn enough money for both people why in the world would both work at a thankless job and not work at home making life better for both people?

    Its kind of strange that over the last couple decades needing two income earners has become the norm in the U.S., and I think we’ve suffered for it.

  20. hi fonzi,

    Giving my girlfriend money everymonth is because she is not working. She has a degree and could get any English speaking job she wanted in BKK. She scored 825 on her TOEIC which qualifies her to teach english to farang that come here! (I think it does – I read that somewhere).

    She cooks every meal for me. She handwashes all the clothes. She irons the clothes. She cleans the house DAILY. She handles things like calling the water people, cut the grass people, pays electric, water, rent, takes the yamaha for regularly scheduled maintenance, she hand sews patches into my undies because I don’t want to throw them out, she makes signs and goes out to find people for my private classes (hypothetically, if I were doing them) ;) She picks up stuff from the electronics store I need, she makes coffee anytime she thinks I need it, she cleans the shower area daily, she blogs on her own blogs for our profit, she uploads high – rez photos to the internet stock agencies I’m joined to… she edits photos, adds keywords to the EXIF data, she surfs the internet to find material we can add to our sites. She teaches me Thai. She is an interpretor in mattters that cause me MUCH frustration. She is the layer between me and the Thais’ that I interact with so I don’t piss the whole country off.

    She does all this stuff and I asked her not to work. So, in a sense she is working for me – and yet, she is my live in girlfriend so she’s not really. I offered to give her some money because she had nothing coming in to spend. She has college loans that she needs to pay.

    So there’s the difference(s).

    I call her girlfriend, but she’s basically my wife. We haven’t done the string ceremony yet, but it’s just a matter of time before her family catches on (or admits they know) and insist on it.

    Whether you give your wife or girlfriend money as an allowance, for working around the house as a maid, because she needs money for clothes, food, or other stuff – doesn’t make your girlfriend or wife a whore.

    Let me explain what a whore is. A whore is someone that meets strangers (at first) and in a short time (2 minutes, 2 hours) has negotiated to provide sex for a certain amount of money.

    A whore isn’t making you something to eat everyday. A whore isn’t living with you. A whore isn’t making your bed. A whore isn’t happy with 4000 baht per month. A whore is living in Patong, Patpong, Pattaya – cities that begin with P for some reason (!).

    A whore is someone who is not just YOUR whore, but everyone’s whore. A whore is not exclusive to you. A whore goes where the money is. A whore lives with other whores, dresses like a whore, sleeps the hours of a whore, doesn’t have another job except whoring, sells blowjobs, anal sex, handjobs and “regular” sex and fetish sex for Thai baht.

    A whore is not a virgin. A whore may have many sexual partners in the course of a month. A girlfriend or wife would not – unless of course your girlfriend or wife IS a whore, and then it would be very hard for you to see the difference of giving 4000 baht to your wife – because she IS a whore… you know?

  21. I don’t get why anybody would pay his girlfriend any money in the first place. 4000 baht? How is that any different than having a hooker? I don’t get the distinction.

    Regardless, Thai women used to be primary earners in Thai society for hundreds of years. I love how this part of Thai culture is turned on its head for the farang.

    I have never had a poor Isaan girlfriend, bargirl or not, I had to support, so I really don’t get the modus operandi. Foreigners coming to Thailand to give money to the female population is an alien concept to me. Aren’t farang the guests in the country?

    But Vern is right. It just plain ignorance to drag your hooker all over Thailand, especially to your workplace. I don’t have anything against prostitution, but when in Thailand, do as the Thais and keep the action in private. Why advertise to the whole world that you are banging hookers?

    If you were back in the West, would you drag the neighborhood crack whore to the company picnic?

  22. You think? :) Personally I have nothing against bargirls. They are doing what they are doing to survive in the best way they know how, with the tools they have been given. More power to them.

    What upsets me is that guys are continually duped by them, giving up money they don’t have “extra” in order to keep funneling the $$ to girls that are lying to them to steal their cash. That’s kind of sick in my mind.

    Yeah, be a whore. Get paid for sex, I would if I could. But, don’t pretend to be monogamous (sp?) if you’re still farking other guys for cash while milking your boyfriend or husband for everything he’s got. That’s what I don’t agree with… you know?

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