Driving a Car is a Horrorshow in Thailand

We’re buying another motorbike. We gave the 4 year old Yamaha MIO with 90,000 KM (one rebuilt engine) to my wife’s aunt on our trip to the northeast. That made me feel good. I don’t make big bank, but, the woman is about 70 and driving a Yamaha from 25 years ago. She has trouble starting it – and could use the electric starter of the MIO to her advantage. Damn I hate to see people suffer through a penniless state.

We got a car, and since i’m the only driver – if you can call me that without cracking a fucking rib laughing – I’ve been driving all over the place.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Thais behind the wheel are completely intolerable on a 1 lane road, and complete fuckmonkeys on a 2 or 2+ lane road.

Yes, this is another Vern rant on Thai people that don’t know what in the world they are doing.

It’s half expected… I mean, Thais have not been driving for too many generations now. But, with the recent advent of 14 million tourists visiting the country, and the rubber prices going through the roof – many people can afford cars. Oh – and credit… if a Thai has a job – the employer can fake a receipt showing years of steady work at a rate the employee will never see in his/her life – and get the car of their dreams in just a couple of days.

Anyway… If you’re contemplating driving in Thailand I strongly suggest you reconsider.

Thais are probably the most ignorant fucking drivers you’ll ever come across. In Thailand. I haven’t driven everywhere… but, in the USA I drove in New York, Miami, Tampa, Honolulu, and Los Angeles a few times. Thai drivers are more fucked up than all of that put together.

I am not embellishing for the laughs either – they are horrendous godawful drivers.

I drove a motorbike in Thailand for 6 years with one minor accident my first year – when a car in front of me – a new driver from a city far from where we were, MASHED the brakes for no reason whatsoever and I swerved and caught the left bumper of her car. I gave her 2,000 THB for a 1,000 THB repair and we said our goodbyes.

Now, I’ve had some near misses on the motorbike that curled my toe-nails. I have had a couple of instances of escaping INSTANT death at 100+ Km/hour on the motorbike… but, since I’m usually paying attention – I lived.

Ok, back to driving vehicles.

Thais can’t follow a curve for SHIT.

That’s saying it VERY politely.

They cannot stay in their lane around a curve of any sort. Just know that – and adjust EVERY time you go around a curve.

If you are beside a vehicle in your vehicle and the idiot next to you puts their turn signal on – regardless whether the fuck they can move over in front of you safely or not, they are going to try. If you don’t adjust and compensate for the assmonkey that’s cutting you off – you will have an accident, and since you are farang – well, you have probably heard how that goes by now.

Thais park wherever the fuck they want to. We pulled into a bank parking lot today. It goes under the building. Bam… some jackass has parked right in the middle of the lane – so their car could be in the shade – there was plenty of room in the back where the sun was shining brightly – but this numbnuts parked right there under the building, blocking not only all traffic coming in – but, 4 cars that, if they wanted to pull out – could not.

To top this off – some ass-strap was hired to DIRECT PARKING in the parking lot!!!!!!! Yeah, so this dumbfucker is getting my 2 minute 45 second stare as I cannot come to grips with how he let someone park in the middle of the fucking road. How does he do that? Fire that jackfruit and make him go do night security where he can sleep off his stupidity.

Today was a real lively experience.

Today I had an 18 wheel truck – which I was in the middle of – at about the 20 foot mark (they are 40+ feet)… start coming over into my lane because the fucker didn’t want to slow down for slower traffic in his lane.

Know this – there isn’t a fuckhead driving a big truck in Thailand that:

1. Knows what the hell they’re doing behind the wheel of a large KILLER truck.
2. Cares whether or not you go flying over the median trying to avoid tires that are higher than your car.
3. Isn’t on meth and with piss-poor judgement.

Know this – Thailand is a country built on agriculture. There are so damn many big fucking trucks lugging palm seeds, and fuckknowswhat, up and down the highways – at all hours – and you cannot have a decent drive without dealing with hundreds of them fucking up the fast lanes of the country as you go from province to province.

We drove from Ubon to southern Thailand and it was horrific. It was like every jackmonkey with a fucking cracker jack license to haul buffalo shit in the 2 dump-truck Killer Trucks was on the road every fucking time we got in our car to drive.

Solution:

We are buying another motorbike and driving that anywhere we need to go within 150 KM. That’s IT. I am so fucking over driving imposters manning vehicles they couldn’t have possibly qualified to drive. I just know I’m going to pull someone out of their truck and beat them with an idiot stick.

Oh, and just for the record, driving a motorbike in Thailand – is about twenty fucking nine times safer than driving any vehicle in the auto lanes. I was worried that our daughter (16 months) was facing more danger on a motorbike!

Hell no!

It’s significantly worse driving anything in the auto lanes.

Trust me.

Someone please back me the fuck up on this.

Please.

Brunty? You had about 185 near accidents yet as you drove your VIOS over the past couple years?

Author: Vern

I'm an American expat living in Thailand. I like to write informative pieces about life in, living in Thailand, including topics like: Thai People, Thai Culture, Nightlife, Technology, and I have published a lot of photographs, videos, and even books on Thailand that you can find at ThailandeBooks.com. There are many photographs of Thailand here - feel free to share with attribution (a link back to the home page). All written content on this site by Vern Lovic. Contact me at Google+.

3 thoughts on “Driving a Car is a Horrorshow in Thailand”

  1. Hi Vern, Wow. I guess you’ve decided to tell it like it is and not worry about the nuke fallout. Now I’m old and slow so please explain to me how 2 wheels are safer than 4 wheels in the LOS. I missed the part in your post (rant) where a motorbike is safer than seatbelts and maybe airbags…Help me out here Vern. TIA. Lee

    1. Sometimes things get to me Lee. Well, the thing is – after driving for 6+ years on a motorbike, and putting over 100,000 km on the things, I know beyond a doubt that I am MUCH safer on a motorbike than I am in a vehicle of any sort. The reason is not that, in a crash, I won’t die sooner – I will. Admittedly. I’ve seen lots of people die here on motorbikes. The thing is – on a motorbike I know I have a much less chance of having an accident to begin with. I don’t have to deal with all the assholes in the automobile lanes.

      Motorbike drivers seem to know that they are in a vulnerable position – legs exposed, head exposed – usually Thais aren’t wearing helmets here. Probably same in Philippines? And they drive like they know they could die in a split second.

      Car and truck, hotel and tour van, and bus drivers – all have their heads up their asses and think they are invincible in their vehicle – so they drive like fuckwits.

      I have had about 40 near misses driving this car for less than 2 months. On the motorbike I have had about 5 near misses in 6+ years.

      With the motorbike – all the near misses except 2 were because I was sightseeing at 100+ km per hour – very stupid, but sometimes I can’t help myself to look at something interesting. Maybe will be the death of me yet.

      The other two were jackass kids flying by on the left of me between the curb and me – racing with someone else down the street.

      Motorbikes in Thailand CAN be safe if you know what you’re doing and pay a lot of attention.

      With cars and other vehicles – you’re driving amongst people that don’t know what the hell they’re doing, and that have no respect for your life.

      Hope that explains it pretty well.

      Nice to see you man – you hiding out there? Exercising?

  2. This has to be one of my top F per paragraph saturation levels ever. Today was just a wicked day on the road. Well, honestly, it’s been a wicked month on the road and I am not looking forward to driving ever again. We’ll let the thing sit in the garage and wax it all up to look nice. Thai style right – face – right? Yeah, we’ll wax that fucker silly and make it shine so everyone thinks we’re so high society…

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